Endoh’s Dungeon

I am extremely happy with this Chinese New Year break I am enjoying now because it gave me the opportunity to sit down, think and write alot of stuffs. Two weeks of complete break from work, auto-reply activated in emails, mobile phones set to silent 95% of the time and such.

I began to recap on what I have previously thought through year after year. What do I hope to see in my life? What do I want out of my life? What else can I do to make my life better? Are there certain things or people that I should let go at this point? Heaps of questions turn up, and I’m trying to answer them one by one. And indirectly, I’m building the boundaries of which I want my life to evolve and grow.

There’s probably just a few things that I thought, would be best available to me. They are stuffs that I would want to see everyday and until the day I die, I want it to be that way.

True, it’s hardly a difficult choice to make for me. Perhaps, once upon a time I wished I have a Lamboghini Gallardo - license plate 13 - pitch black, parked outside MOS every night. Perhaps, once upon a time I wished I had a mini-villa with a close door garage, a field the size of a basketball court for my dogs to run, a swimming pool totally surrounded by the greeneries of the bamboo shoots. Or perhaps, at some point I wanted a hi-tech home with all the little remote and automated systems all installed, and a wonderful rooftop terrace where I can indulged in the open air jacuzzi. Modernisation without sacrificing the nature of life that is.

But I have learnt, life is not about those. But life is doing something that makes me happy, even before it is completed. The confidence, the anticipation, the visualization and all. I am convinced I do not need to be filthy rich to enjoy life. It’s what the contents of my life that makes it enriching and fulfilling. Or at least, if I am a filty rich man with corruption bureau keeping tabs on me every now and then, I know that is not being happy anymore. What matters, is that whatever I am doing brings a smile on my face, and that the result need not be something as gorgeous as a Lamboghini.

I may not be God’s best son, but God is probably the best gift I have ever received in my life. I see Him, I hear Him, I feel Him, I am touched by Him. And yes, I love Him. I know I have done pretty bad things which would have condemned me to the deepest end of hell but I trust that God has never forsaken me. Because I know He wouldn’t.

What could be better, than having a forgiving strength which keeps me striving and see myself through until the day I lay to rest? Until the day my mission is done and return to His side? I have always believed that everyone of us lived, with a life mission to fulfil. I have mine, and although I have yet to figure out what exactly it is, I know I am in the process of making it happen right now.

If there is one task that all of us should do, that will be to start inspiring people around us, out of love, out of compassion, out of our heavenly duties and out of peace.

Over the years, many people has crossed my path teaching me new things every day. Even the nastiest person doing the nastiest thing to me teach me something new too. People has come, and people has gone. What remains are the eternal lessons to be learnt, and to be shared. We constantly fall into a trap of hatred, and I am no different. I am a human afterall, and I come in a full package with emotions and reactions. But I take great joy to understand after a long while, the existence of hatred proves the existence of love. And I tell all my friends the same thing, where there’s no love, there’s no hatred. The more you hate, it says the more you’ve loved.

So, what now?

What can I do other than to grind through whatever is in place in my life? The other belief that I hold dearly is:- Everything that happened are for a reason through fate, but it is what we do in real that shows us our destiny. Many times, I find myself neglecting my own beliefs but each time, I had to pull myself back.

But all is not disastrous and bad. Passion, faith, inspirations are all I need to keep myself happy. I may not be earning the biggest money in the whole world, and nobody can. I may not be owning the most assets throughout the world, and nobody can. But God’s gift to me - life - is all I have, and that’s what everyone of you has too.

For now… I am happy.