Endoh’s Dungeon

Some thoughts came up after reading Xinyun’s post about choices, and I thought perhaps I can share two real life incidents in a short timespan of one week. Nothing beats real life experiences, to sit back, chew them a little and see what we can learn from all these lessons in our lives. Isn’t it a waste to be in existence for so long but yet we do not learn from our lessons?

The thing that truly struck me was the choice of friends as Xinyun discussed in her post. I often tell younger friends like Jed (who barely started NS) or Chillycraps (still a undergrad) about lessons in life. One of it, is choosing the friends you want to be with. The kind of people we hang around with pretty much says alot about the kind of influence. Simply, is it a positive influence or a negative one? Ultimately, they look up to me as an elder (I hate it absolutely when Jed calls me Uncle Ed) and just by that alone, I deemed it as my responsibility to lead by example.

While being an elder to some, I am also a student to many others. People like my Spiritual Father (totally humble and father-like) who owns an international executive search company, Kloudiia (sweetest friend anybody can have), Walter (selfless and never shy of offering advices) or even my personal mentors have all added tremendous values to my life. They are people I look up to, just like how younger friends look up to me. That said, it’s my choice to embrace these people in my life.

I didn’t choose to be around them because they are hotter or richer. But I chose them because they respect me, and also they help me to develop and grow as an individual. Everything is a choice as you can see, and it can only come out from my heart. Nobody can point a gun at my head and force me to take sides. My point is, all the people you see above are those whom have never had to corner me into making a decision. If you’re not in that list, don’t worry. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate you. It’s only an example out of the whole lot of you.

I said, I had two examples to share. I felt that these examples highlighted the choosing part and it is something that everyone should learn.

Incident One: Someone was extremely pissed with Xinyun when she read one of my blog posts and left a pong. She did not even leave a comment, just a silent reader. Xinyun was subsequently deleted/blocked from Plurk or whatever.

What I did: I had to apologize to Xinyun for being dragged into an issue she was not involved with. I apologized because I didn’t know reading my blogs would constitute such a heavy consequence of going into the bad books of someone.

Lesson One:
The “someone” chose not to read my blogs, no big deal.
Xinyun chose to read my blogs, I appreciate it.

Lesson Two:
The “someone” chose to sow discord among bloggers.
Xinyun chose to ignore and read to her personal preferences.

Lesson Three:
The “someone” chose to attempt to lead Xinyun to taking sides.
Xinyun chose not to take sides.

Morale of the story: You chose to create a storm out in the open sea when you could hardly swim. You chose to raise an opinion which you cannot justify in the public court of opinions. You chose to build a new barrier rather than tearing down barriers. It was all your choices. What you cannot choose though, and probably never will be able to, is to choose for Xinyun the blogs to read or which side she should stand. If she’s on any side, it will be her own independent side.

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Incident Two: A tiff with another friend ended up in an arranged meetup to sort out the problem face to face. A day before the arranged dinner, she sent a message to say she has to go off early.

What I did: I replied with… Forget It.

Lesson One:
The friend chose to meet up.
I chose to agree to meet up.

Lesson Two:
The friend chose to treat the meetup trivially.
I chose to treat the meetup seriously.

Lesson Three:
The friend chose to insert another trivial appointment, fully aware of the significance of the dinner.
I chose to put all my other appointments away, because I had agreed and committed to the dinner.

Lesson Four:
The friend chose not to be sincere with whatever she requested from me, among other factors.
I chose to turn my back and walk away, because the actions do not justify her words.

Morale of story: She chose to screw up an important dinner, which she personally initiated. She chose to interrupt a dinner with a trivial affair, when she obviously knew the implications. She chose to be insensitive and lacking in sincerity which in actions have proven to be so. She made her choice, and I made mine even if she places the blame on me all the time. It’s not my loss.

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Xinyun was spot on when she implied true colors will eventually show at the end of the day. Most of my close friends know I am one who looks at actions more than words. A small cohort of friends though, I made my choice which nobody else can tell me to do so. Not even my own family…

And my choice now? To protect the innocent and myself.

Too heavy? Let me lighten it for you. The next time someone attempts to make you choose sides, show them your palm and… TALK TO MY HAND!