Endoh’s Dungeon

My birthday is just round the corner in less than half a month, and I am deeply touched by friends who asked for what I would like to have as a present on my birthday. They included friends whom I have known for the longest time ever, to even friends I knew only for a month.

I have not received birthday gifts for more than 10 years, not because I wasn’t loved by people around me. There is this personal belief and principle that I uphold in my life, which developed in me as a teenager.

I was not born into a rich family, so as a child I was often envious and jealous of the expensive gifts their parents handed into their possession. Whenever peers flashed their GameGear or pagers in school, I often retreated myself to the end of the line. Simply, I’ve got nothing which I can show off with, like them. That inferiority lived in me throughout childhood, until I gotten my own GameGear after 2 years of savings. By then, the IN thing wasn’t Gamegear anymore but something else. I found myself frantically trying to chase onto the next IN thing, ending up in the same situation. I began to ask myself, what’s the point?

True, I was jeered. True, I was humiliated. And even more true, I often find myself out of the “group”.

In this me-me-and-me society that I grew up in, I began to watch how the statement of “If you got it, flaunt it” being misunderstood and misused. What was once a statement to encourage others to showcase their talents in a positive manner, became a justification to boasting and bragging. It became even more evident, when our younger generations these days set the benchmark of social status based on materials and monetary possession.

Not until one of my NS Colonels pointed out to me, I had already transformed my inferiority into personal power over time. Being young, I couldn’t understand. How can something negative like inferiority, be an asset to anyone’s life? And para-counsellors like him, often used explanations that I hardly understood. What he meant was, I have used my own inferiority in such a way that it became one of the strengths in my character.

How true!? When I piece this theory he has given me into real world examples, people who flaunt these material gains often look for one thing subconsciously - social acceptance. Indirectly, this social acceptance gives them the confident they are lacking deep inside them.

Nowadays, I see youngsters ever-eager to flash their expensive gadgets when I stepped onboard the MRT. Walking on the streets, I see others stuffing their ears with earphones linked to expensive gadgets, oblivious to the yelp from the person whose feet they have stepped onto accidentally. A word of sorry, seems too expensive to be said. Even in blogosphere, bloggers are eager to show off pictures of expensive gifts from their friends. And yes, they can yakkety non-stop.

What have all these materialism changed us into?

For the majority of these people, a fair share of these items were purchased with the money of others. I never quite understood what kind of pride these people hold in them of their possessions, especially when it wasn’t bought with their own money. Strip them of these items, a handful of them will probably be reduced to absolutely nothing. They will probably even find it hard to survive in this competitive and materialistic society.

When Aby, a friend I knew for only a month, offered to buy me a PDA phone for my birthday, I rejected her. I rejected her not because I didn’t see her as a friend. Isn’t it heartwarming that even a one-month-old friendship can yield such a material reward?

Aby knew I always wanted one, so I can access my documents and stay connected more easily while on the move. I am thankful that she even thought of it, but I don’t really need it from somebody else. Accepting this gift will throw me back to my childhood where I felt small, insignificant and jealous. Accepting this gift would have washed away all the efforts of improving myself into a better person. All these feelings of weakness, are what I have successfully overcame in my life. As friends, would you still want to buy me a gift and make me feel weak? I am sure, you wouldn’t want to. I am even more sure, you want a friend with principles, with integrity and not for the sake of material gains.

I do hope for a Sony Vaio, I do hope for a PDA phone… BUT… I will get them with my own earnings.

I am deeply appreciative of all those whom have offered to buy me gifts, once again. It’s the thoughts that count, and that is good enough. If you truly care for me and love me, don’t buy anything for me. If it is imperative that you have to spend that money, please look to the charities on my behalf. I am sure these monies, are better spent on supporting their causes.









After I posted this… I feel darn guilty for not mentioning whom I really should. Imagine a fellow blogger, not forgetting her blogging friends throughout her holiday? She could have jolly well cast everything out of her mind, since she should be enjoying her well deserved holiday. She didn’t…

See what Trinity did for me. And this is actually underwater! Really cool… and do check out what she did for other bloggers too. This is something that touches my heart.