Endoh’s Dungeon

Each time friends confide in me about their relationship problems, I realised that most of them are unable to see beyond the whole issue. The almost immediate lament one can put up is “relationships are troublesome”.

I am not sure if it’s due to the fact that all of us have somewhat developed this habit of selecting the easiest target to aim our arrows at. Even if we are relaxed and laidback, doesn’t quite mean we can speak or think easily with logical and sensible views. For privacy sake, I shall not use names in all the examples that I will be using in this post.

One of the most common complaints I often hear from friends is how much they have been neglected by their partners. Many complaints revolved around why their partners did not call them, or why their partners seemed uninterested to spend time together. When Sis Ling was preparing for her stand-up comedy, she asked me the same thing too - why is it that someone does not call when he says he will? (I still have not charge you creative fees for flashing my statement and name for the audiences! LOL!)

Just yesterday, another friend came up with this situation too, when her bf booked out of camp earlier than any of his peers but failed to inform her. She didn’t know until she called and asked and today, he dropped her a message early morning that he would be meeting up with her later in the day but again, he “forgotten to call her”. At least that’s what he said to her.

My answer is simple, “He simply does not care enough to call.”

A very natural reaction I see among my friends, is that they began narrating a whole list of reasons like he’s too busy, he’s too tired. Why did I use the term “narrating”? Well, these reasons often get chalked up like a musical script being replayed again and again.

It’s understandable, that anyone madly in love would hate the idea of having to face the wicked truth one day. One hidden feeling in each and everyone of us, is the fear of the truth. In this instance, we begin creating a list of reasons that will make us feel better each time we recite it. But for how long can we bury ourselves in this list?

Take for example, this friend began telling me all the reasons she could dig (or what she said was told to her) to “defend” her man for being busy and for being tired. I was being very frank with her, telling her IF he was indeed THAT tired until he couldn’t draw a single bit of strength to key in a simple message, I expect him to be a dying man laying on the hospital bed. No joke, these are my specific words. Of course, the eventual truth as she found out today was hardly anything close to the reasons she was drowning herself with last night. Tears? Sadness? Definitely!

I feel alot of us are simply over-analysing a situation when the truth is very much crisp clear. Why do we have to over-analyse and end up with a disappointing truth? The fact is, the truth has always been there. It’s only a matter of whether are you picking up the truth or are you hiding from the truth? For a while, we feel good reassuring ourselves of “unforseen circumstances” in a relationship even though we know we are upset about something subconsciously. Many times, we chose to camouflage that negative thing with more positive ones, just so happen that these positive thoughts ain’t the truth under such context.

Of course, over time I do get a fair bit of retorts. Many began associating such things as a breach of freedom or began questioning me why should they report to their partners? Talk about freedom, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship in the first place because there is no absolute freedom in any relationship or marriage. Why? Well, there bound to be a little changes when one starts dating, isn’t it?

This is also totally different from being expected to report our movements as many called it. For me, it will always be a pleasure to let my partner know I am on my way home, and that I am safe. It’s not a task, but an obliging manner of acknowledging her - I know you care. Afterall, it’s not something that will kill.

This reminded me of a fellow signaller in my NS days, who died in his motorcycle accident on his way home. Being the young carefree lads that we were, he didn’t inform his gf. The next time they met, was attending his funeral after she saw his picture in the obituary. Nobody could inform her because neither we or his parents has her number. This incident taught me a very valuable lesson.

For now… to accept the truth or be buried in self-consolation, it’s up to you. Obviously the problem doesn’t lie in the relationship, but ourselves.