Endoh’s Dungeon

Are relationships and marriages falling apart because of a clash in old traditions and new beliefs? This has been something much discussed until I was chilling out with one of the Taiwanese variety programmes, it painted a very sad picture in me.

To cut the story short, this was what happened. The bf wanted to propose to his gf and so the tv production crew set him up with one. Through the proposal, his gf listed a few requirements which included:-

1. To overcome his fear of water and learn to swim like her. (She used to be a competitor)
2. No kids during the first few years. How many years? No specific indication.
3. Not to stay with parents. (He’s the only son.)

The end result? He didn’t succeed because of two major reasons. The first reason was that he couldn’t come to a compromise with his traditional mother regarding having kids and staying under the same roof.

I think many of us (or we heard) are caught in such situations. If I were to sit down and give it some thorough thoughts, I can safely assumed it isn’t any fault on any parts. Being the only son, I could understand why his parents were so adamant about having children. Yet being a model and at a young age of 23 years old, having children at that age seems a little too young for a female. What’s more? This young lady had stayed out on her own for years and she has grown independent. Staying with in-laws is a much dreaded idea for her.

This is a tough call, where both sides can’t compromise. The poor guy was caught in the center between his family and his gf. The misunderstanding between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law is also another common problem in our modern days marriage. Are there really no ways to compromise?

My elder sister which I refused to speak to for close to 10 years, is a living example in my own household. Her ex-bf was an ex-colleague of mine in another civil service department. His dad had died of cancer, and he was the only son. When talks of marriage began, my elder sister refused to stay with his mum. Everything broke down, and I actually congratulated him for breaking free from that devil. There was simply no way I can understand why he had been given such an ultimatum when his mum is clearly alone by herself should he moved out. She is still single now… and she better stay that way and not destroy others’ family.

How far should our family get involved in such issues? How much is legitimate for us to demand from our partners? Is a marriage built only on what we demand from one another and not how much we can give to one another? As much as I hate to admit, many relationships are more prone to the initial.

Our society has improved, but with this “improvement” comes selfishness. Are we able to see beyond ourselves? Throughout the entire time, my sympathies went out to this chap because this entire proposal showed nothing that he demanded. The only demands that were present, were from the girl towards the bf. I cannot imagine how long he can last in such a marriage where we are talking about nothing but just to meet the girl’s demands.

Yet, at the back of our heads we know everyone of us should be independent. How much of these independence should we utilise in our life? Should this independence be used in such a manner where it’s either my way or nothing at all? I certainly don’t think so, and I hope not.

The traditional belief of “carrying on the fire” also seems to be diminishing as each and everyone of us focus on building and maintaining a career. I think both camps will have a story of their own, and it will be difficult to draw a balance between the two. It’s possible, but very difficult.

The second reason why he failed was because she wasn’t honest right from the start. She maintained she loved him but through the final moments, she finally admitted she didn’t love him after the tv host pressured her into telling the truth instead of leading him on. Indeed, she did and she had. I think on this, it’s pretty straightforward.

If she did love him, she would have compromised a little instead of putting him in a spot. That isn’t love to watch someone suffer like this. Perhaps she didn’t love him that’s why she didn’t bother to compromise a single bit? What do you think?

Ask me if we will see such scenarios again, I’m afraid my guess is.. yes! We will constantly be locked in this battle between new beliefs and lifestyles in oppose to those that are embraced by our parents. It seems like a major clash doesn’t it?

Come to think of it, our elders are much happier off in their marriage. Maybe because they demanded less? Or maybe those which they demanded were much more simpler than what we are looking at now?